10 Relationship Red Flags

Dec 09, 2022 |

Ignore them and the red flags you dismissed in the beginning will be the reason you leave or WANT to leave in the end!

10 Relationship Red Flags

Ignore them and the red flags you dismissed in the beginning will be the reason you leave or WANT to leave in the end!

  • Red flags are anything that doesn't feel instinctually right! If your gut feeling is “somethings not right” and you find yourself questioning the behaviour, it's a red flag for sure.

  • Relationship red flags are described as RED because this is your signal to get out! If they were described as AMBER flags, they would be warnings. They are RED for a reason…..

It isn't always easy to recognise that you're in an unhealthy relationship. You know something doesn't feel right but you can’t quite put your finger on it.

Instead you doubt yourself and accuse yourself of overreacting or overthinking. The fact that you are even questioning yourself on this level should tell you this relationship is not healthy for you.

Or I am not in a healthy enough place to be in a relationship and I need to work on healing me, this can often be the case when you are trying to move on to a new relationship, before dealing with the hurt of a previous one.

If you are in the early stages of dating and you pay attention to red flag warnings, you have a far better chance of getting out before you become so involved and you enter the “it's complicated” zone - and nobody wants to be in that zone!

Here are my top 10 RED FLAGS to look out for in relationships

1. You feel controlled

Any behaviour that makes you feel subordinate or dependent is classed as controlling behaviour. This is where someone will use their power or influence to exploit you for their personal gain, they do this by depriving you of your independence. If a person constantly makes you feel insecure, intimidated or guilty, then this is controlling behaviour. It can appear in many subtle ways, such as influencing how you dress, where you go and who you see. It is not always done in an obvious way and is often done in a manipulating way so as to make you believe “it is for your own good”. The moment you feel you are not in control of your choices, you are being controlled.

2. Still hung up on their last relationship

If your partner or date starts to speak about how bad their last partner was, and how “they just didn't appreciate them” run... If they talk about their ex as though they are the devil and they were the angel, run... There are always two sides to every story and without the other it’s not fair to assume. If your partner is constantly talking about their ex either in a negative or positive way, there is unfinished business there. This business is not something you want or need to be a part of, this is a definite sign that there is still healing to do and you don’t want to be their therapist or bridge a gap being their “comfort blanket”.

3. Family and friends don’t like your partner

The people who truly love you will naturally try to protect you. I’m not saying that their opinion may necessarily be right. But if you are being warned that in their opinion something does not seem “quite right” right about your partner, then keep an open mind and listen! When you are in the honeymoon period and everything is rosy sometimes your vision can be too. Pay attention and listen, ask yourself, could they be right?

4. Displays of insecurities about your relationship

A healthy relationship requires balance, if you are feeling you have to repeatedly “make your partner feel good”, then this could be a sign they suffer from insecurity issues.. You should support each other and complement each other equally. If you or your partner have to question where you stand in the relationship, then this is a red flag. If either of you experience feelings of being uncomfortable, uncertain, or anxious about the relationship, then this is not the match for you. Yes, relationships can sometimes be hard work but they most definitely are not meant to be draining.

5. Trust Issues

A healthy relationship is fundamentally built on trust, in my opinion if there is no trust then there is no relationship. If you are constantly doubting whether your partner is telling you the truth and you cannot rely on their words, this is a huge red flag. If you are in a long term relationship then your lives interconnect closely, if you are constantly questioning if they are where they say they are or will do what they say they're doing, the likeness of this relationship turning toxic is very high.

6. Lack of communication

People who shut down and are unable to express their feelings are generally what is termed as “emotionally unavailable”; it is very likely they have at some point in their life suffered some form of trauma and very likely will have abandonment issues. At times when it would seem important to be open and honest, they distance themselves emotionally, leaving you hanging and having to second guess their thoughts and feelings. Ultimately you end up having to find the solution yourself, or having to deal with a situation on your own. Emotionally unavailable people can also be very blunt, impatient and will lock down and give you the “silent treatment”. Again this is not healthy for you to have to manage.

7. They Have Something To Hide

A huge red flag is if someone you’re dating has something they need to hide. Hiding their phone or turning it facedown when you are in their company is a huge sign. If they have something to hide from you then you can bet there's a reason why and that reason will not be good for you? Honesty is one of those things that keeps relationships strong. If you can't be honest and open in a relationship, why be in it at all?

8. Narcissistic Personality

This is a whole blog in itself, however I feel it is important to include here. If your partner is displaying several of these behaviours then be AWARE! Narcissism is one of the biggest red flags you NEED to understand, if you get trapped with a narcissist there is no easy way out, and I am speaking from experience. Narcissistic people are selfish, everything is centred around their personal gain in whatever action they take. They are generally very moody and will shift blame onto you with ease, for anything or anyone. They won’t apologise, show weakness, empathy, or care about anything but their own desires. A common sign is they have major trust issues and are extremely jealous of you, your friends and anything you have a connection with. They can often be described as arrogant and conceited, although they would never think for a second they are. They have entitlement issues, always play the victim, nothing is ever their fault. They play manipulative mind games, and are emotionally abusive and in many cases this will escalate to physical abuse. The main problem is they are at first NOT easy to spot, they wear many masks and in the beginning they will shower you with gifts, and make you feel like you are the most important thing in the world to them. This is how they trap you... Stay aware.

9. Abusive behaviour

There are many different forms of abusive behaviour including verbal, emotional, psychological, financial and physical. This along with narcissism which can often go hand in hand is the biggest red flag you must be aware of. Any form of an abusive relationship will destroy your self-worth, and can often result in suffering from severe anxiety and depression, and make you feel helpless and alone. These relationships are not easy to break free from. No one should have to endure this kind of pain, to prevent this it is important to recognise you are in an abusive relationship and the first step to leaving an abusive relationship, is admitting your in one and that is not easy to do. Read my blog: ‘Am I in an abusive relationship?

10. Seek help

When it comes to relationships, talking to someone you trust can help make sense of your doubts and fears. Abusers are generally master manipulators and will very often make you believe that YOU are the problem. If you are in a relationship showing any of these red flags and behaviours, find someone who you can talk it through with. Honesty is the best policy with anything in your life. If it’s on your mind then talk it through with friends, family or seek professional support through a coach or counselling. A toxic person thrives on isolation and silence; a healthy relationship thrives on communication. Don’t allow yourself to be isolated by your partner; if you feel something is wrong, then be brave and confront it. Life is too short to be unhappy.

How I can help

It is often easier speaking with a person who is completely removed and objective.  Having someone to help you understand the red flags you may be seeing in your relationship can help you to gain more clarity, improve your self-worth, confidence and help you to feel empowered.

I have a fantastically supportive group of women who are or have been in the same position as you find yourself in right now. If you’re not already a member, I invite you to join my FREE Facebook Community 30+ Positively Starting Over.

You may also find my Improve Your Life in 7 Days journaling challenge helpful and when you sign up you will also receive my bonus 10 Steps to Starting Over guide to help you really keep the momentum of starting over.

As always, please know that I am here for you, whether it’s a virtual coffee to talk through what’s going on, or whether you need more intensive support to move on from being in abusive relationship, you can schedule a complimentary, no obligation call with me.

Emma x

The Empowerment Coach for women who want to transform their lives, become unstoppable and conquer the fears that have been holding you back from truly living YOUR BEST life.



Categories: : relationships