3 Ways to be More Confident

May 01, 2023 |

What does 'confidence' actually mean? Let's dive in!

3 Ways to be More Confident

We always hear people using the word ‘confident’, but in this month’s blog I discuss what confidence is and give you three ways to be more confident. Psychology Today, defines confidence as “a belief in oneself, the conviction that one has the ability to meet life's challenges and to succeed—and the willingness to act accordingly.” 

Confidence is often seen as a negative trait, so it is perhaps also helpful to consider what confidence is NOT. Being confident does not mean that you are:

    • Arrogant with an exaggerated sense of your own importance or abilities;
    • Conceited by being excessively proud of yourself; or,
    • Self-important in that you have an exaggerated sense of your own value or importance.

Is confidence a feeling?

Do you find yourself saying ‘I’m not confident’ or ‘I don’t feel confident’? Well, let’s bust a myth right here. Contrary to the way it’s portrayed, confidence is NOT a feeling. Yes, you read that right - it is NOT a feeling. 

So, if it’s not a feeling, what is it then? By externalising it and understanding that it is not something inside of you, it feels much more manageable. When you realise that confidence is how you act or behave, you suddenly feel more in control of it. Only YOU can decide how you act or behave. And this is where the age old saying of ‘fake it till you make it’ comes into play.

Being confident is a choice and by applying my three ways to be more confident, you will instantly feel a shift within yourself and how you respond to situations. Now, I completely understand that your perceived level of confidence may be dependent on the situation, but the more you grow in confidence in one area, the more you’ll improve in confidence in other areas of your life. 

My three ways to be more confident can be applied or adapted for any situation in life. My suggestion is to start off using these in a situation where you feel safe and comfortable before moving on to ones that feel a little more daunting.

1. Change your way of thinking

Your brain can literally not tell the difference between what is real and imagined. So, if you’re constantly telling yourself that you lack confidence, guess what? Your brain will believe it and this will then impact on how you feel and behave. Thankfully, advances in the understanding of how the brain works has shown that it is possible to rewire your brain.

You can literally do this by ‘flipping the script’. Instead of saying ‘I have low self-confidence’ say ‘I choose to be confident’ or ‘I have the skills to do my job well’. Whatever negative self-talk is going on will always impact on how you feel, which is what you then connect to ‘feelings’ of confidence or more likely LACK of confidence.

Positive affirmations are a great way to keep yourself focussed. Write your own, or use one of these:

  • "I do my work to the best of my ability"
  • "I have the knowledge to speak confidently about my subject"
  • "I am competent, smart and able"

2. Do the ‘Superwoman Pose’

Just as the brain has an impact on how you feel, so does your physical body. You’ll know yourself that when you feel a little poorly, you don’t feel like your best self. What we know about how your body impacts on how you feel, means that making small adjustments to your physical posture can really make a difference.

Try this little test to show you how easy it is to make a difference in how you feel:

Sit on a chair and drop your head with your arms hanging limply by your side and say ‘I am awesome’ in an Eyeore style voice. How did that make you feel? If you’re like most people, then you’ll have felt more than a little underwhelmed and probably not very awesome.
Now sit up or stand up with your arms up in the air with your fists clenched. Smile widely and say with conviction ‘I am awesome!’. How did it feel this time? Again, if you’re like most people you’ll have felt a surge of energy and are probably still grinning right?

Such seemingly simple changes in your posture and tone of voice, but what a difference! And this is where the ‘Superwoman Pose’ really helps with confidence. How to do the ‘Superwoman Pose’: Stand with your feet apart and your fists planted firmly on your hips. Shoulders back, chest puffed out and looking slightly upwards. It’s been medically proven that this pose changes your brain’s chemistry and increases testosterone which is responsible for elevating your self-esteem and confidence. It also reduces the stress hormone, cortisol. If you have a meeting or a presentation coming up that is making you feel a little anxious, doing this pose will instantly make you feel more able to deal with the situation.

3. Dress for Success

Just as your thoughts and your physical body can impact on your confidence, so can how you dress. Now, I don’t mean that you need to wear a power suit to be more confident. But dressing in something that makes you feel good about yourself will instantly lift your mood and help with your confidence levels. I’m also not suggesting that you go to an important meeting in baggy leggings, but wearing something that you feel comfortable in will make you less fidgety and self conscious. If you’re constantly tugging at a blouse or your dress feels a little short, you’re going to be pre-occupied and that will take away from your confidence.

Spend a little time learning what colours make you feel good about yourself, what styles of clothing you feel flatters you and your body shape. What shoes make you feel strong? Small tweaks and changes to what you wear can really help you to raise your confidence levels.

Apply these 3 ways to be more confident and you’ll be soaring!

These three ways to be more confident are really just the tip of the iceberg. They are instant hacks to help you in your day to day life or job. However, it is important to note that sometimes there are more deep seated beliefs and feelings that will affect your confidence unless you deal with them. This is where a coach can really help you to deal with issues at the root cause so that you can live a life of confidence and feel empowered in any situation.

How I can help

I have a fantastically supportive group of women who are or have been in the same position as you find yourself in right now. If you’re not already a member, I invite you to join my FREE Facebook Community 30+ Positively Starting Over.

You may also find my Improve Your Life in 7 Days journaling challenge helpful and when you sign up you will also receive my bonus 10 Steps to Starting Over guide to help you really keep the momentum of starting over.

As always, please know that I am here for you, whether it’s a virtual coffee to talk through what’s going on, or whether you need more intensive support to move on from being in abusive relationship, you can schedule a complimentary, no obligation call with me.

Emma x

The Empowerment Coach for women who want to transform their lives, become unstoppable and conquer the fears that have been holding you back from truly living YOUR BEST life.

Categories: : Confidence, empowerment